“Disciple – Should I marry a Widow?
“Osho – Why you want to marry a Widow?
“There should be only one reason behind marrying someone, i.e. Love. So, if you love a person then it doesn’t matter whether that person is widow or not, you should marry that person. But basic question is that why you are specifically searching a Widow for marrying?
“Because you want to take a position of Savior in her life. It satisfies your ego that you are such a great person that you saved a Widow from her difficult life. You want to feel great about yourself as a Savior of someone.”
I have written a lot about different astrological/social reasons behind troublesome relationship life of people and in my consultations, I have found this Savior Syndrome as one of the most recurring reason.
A person suffering from Savior Syndrome looks like a very genuine and kindhearted person but in relationship matters, it is a person who actively looks for only those people who are not doing well in their lives for one reason or the other and this person wants to pose himself as Savior to other person. In a subtle way, he is saying that you are so fortunate that I have come into your life else you would have suffered whole of your life. Not only this Savior person is insulting other person but he also has no faith in Universe or God that God can take care of this person who is suffering in life.
There is one more problem with this Savior Syndrome person that he is attracted towards pain and suffering. He is not getting interested or inclined towards someone who is doing good in his/her life because there is no scope of being a Savior to someone who is already in great position in their life. One can be Savior only to those who are suffering in their lives. That’s why I said that they are “actively looking” for only those people who are not doing well in their lives for one reason or the other. Happiness and Love doesn’t attract this person, Pain and Suffering does. Now, the most important thing is when the foundation of your relationship itself is in pain and suffering then such a relation can never prosper into a happy relationship.
Here, it should be noted that I am not saying that caring for others or being empathetic is wrong. We all are supposed to care for each other but considering yourself in position of Savior of another person is utterly wrong. It is just the ego satisfaction at the highest level.
There was another incident when a person asked Osho that he thought that his wife will become a happy person after marriage as before marriage she used to be very sad and depressed but there is no change in her behavior?
Osho quite rightly answered that how can she let-go of that pain and suffering which made you inclined towards her? You got interested in her only because of her sadness and depression. Now, if she leaves it, what would remain in her which would keep you interested?
There are many reasons why people develop this Savior Syndrome in relationship matters. The most common reason is their own childhood and family environment. Our family environment is the most important breeding ground for our mind and thoughts. Recently, one of my client asked me that why he always attracted the kind of persons in relationship who are going through one or the other major crisis in their lives?
Looking back into this person’s childhood, we can see that he has seen females of family in a crisis situation in family or going through a very troublesome life. When you regularly see that environment, you develop a kind of sympathy towards them and you start assuming the position of Savior in your life that when you get a chance, you will at least save one person from such difficulties. Now, if this person is looking for relationship then he will only look for those who are going through difficulties because then only he can save the person.
Again, having a sympathetic and caring attitude towards others is fine but assuming yourself in position of a Savior is just an ego satisfaction.
So, it is not that those people with troublesome life are coming in to your life but actually you are actively searching for those people only and hence you are getting them. If I am looking for a blue color bottle in a shop then my eyes will automatically fall on blue color bottle only. They would ignore all other color bottles.
So, it is not our relationship partner is coming into our life just like that. We are actively searching for him/her only.
Another way by which Savior Syndrome manifests itself is when the person himself has lack of self-worth and he feels that he is not good enough then automatically he searches for a person who has even lower or lesser self-worth because there he can feel better about himself. It automatically leads to a disastrous relationship life as both partners are lacking confidence.
As per my understanding, the only way to get rid of this Savior Syndrome is by telling yourself and Universe that you are fine as a normal individual and don’t want to be a Savior of anyone because basically you can't be anyone's Savior. This is where things start improving. We have to trust the Universe that It can take care of all of Its people. Hence, there is no need to behave like anyone’s Savior.
"Nobody can destroy you except you. Nobody can save you except you. You are your own Judas. You are your own Jesus."
When nobody can save you then you also can't save anybody. You are not a Savior and you are not a destroyer. You are a normal person.
Swami Premanand Bharti